She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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To truly experience mutual pleasure, penetration can actually be left out completely. The only reason penetration and male ejaculation are necessary during sex is to procreate. Neither are needed if the goal is to make your female partner orgasm. Shortform note: Kerner claims that since all orgasms come from the clitoris, you should focus on two different parts of the clitoral network to give your partner a stronger, two-front orgasm (called a blended orgasm). However, recent research disproves Kerner’s claim that all orgasms are clitoral, which suggests that there may be other ways to achieve blended orgasms. They elaborate that women can also orgasm from nipple stimulation because it sends signals to the same part of the brain that’s responsible for genital sensations. So instead of focusing solely on the clitoris, you may be able to achieve a blended orgasm through a combination of clitoral head and nipple stimulation.) For those claiming that G-spot climaxes are far more intense than clitoral orgasms, here’s an interesting fact. The G-spot is actually the base of the clitoris and is stimulated during penetration, so this type of orgasm is inseparable from clitoral orgasms. Ian Kerner, PhD, is an American author and sex counsellor. He specializes in couples’ therapy and sex therapy but works with individuals on a regular basis as well. He is a frequent guest on popular TV shows such as “The Today Show” and “The Dr. Oz Show.” Sentence-Summary: She Comes First is sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner’s guide to improving sex by emphasizing the female orgasm, explaining why changing your mindset about sex and focusing on the stimulation of the right places in the right ways can be more enjoyable than intercourse for both men and women.

Shortform note: Kerner’s 10-20 second estimation of the average female orgasm may actually be on the short end—longer female orgasms can last between 20 seconds and two minutes, and one study showed that 40% of women polled experienced 30-60 second orgasms. Further research shows that, as Kerner explains, some women ejaculate and some don’t—but the statistics on the commonality of female ejaculation aren’t settled—a 2017 study reported that nearly 70% of women ejaculate, while other estimates range from 10% to 50%. And while Kerner claims that female ejaculate is not urine, recent studies show that female ejaculate is mostly urine—the alkaline secretions Kerner mentions make up a marginal percentage of the liquid.) So while Kerner uses the linear four-phase model to explain the female sexual response process, his explanation of the resolution stage suggests that he actually views the female sexual response process as cyclical, not linear. How to Achieve Female Orgasm You can stimulate each of these parts during sex for maximum pleasure, but you’ve got to set the stage and plan on the right acts, which is what you’ll learn next. Lesson 3: Don’t just think of sex in terms of foreplay and intercourse, it’s about foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay. Fair warning, what we’re about to get into is not safe for work. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it at home!Cunnilingus is by far the best way to get a woman to climax. Think about it: your tongue is made up of several muscles and nerves held together by a membrane covered with taste buds. As a highly flexible organ, it’s ideal for both tasting and stimulation. The truth is, unless you want a baby, you don’t even have to include penetration to have great sex!

This is where you either kiss and cuddle – or have a sexual penetrative intercourse. It’s easier once the female has experienced the first orgasm – and may lead to more and more pleasure. Key Lessons from “She Comes First” Once she’s adjusted to your finger, you can curl it up toward her belly button in a “come here” motion and press against the vaginal ceiling with your fingertip—this will stimulate her internal clitoral nerves. Once she’s adjusted, you can insert your middle finger as well. While you do this, you can integrate a more advanced move by pressing your hand to her mons pubis and pushing slightly upward—this will expose the clitoral head and make her more sensitive to your tongue strokes. Most believe that the key to good sex is long, hard penetration. But to orgasm, a woman needs to have her clitoris stimulated. Kerner explains that women can orgasm repeatedly, so once she’s achieved her first orgasm, you can move on to other forms of sexual play that will make you orgasm as well. However, before moving on, give her a few minutes to cool down. To do this, return to foreplay activities—kiss her, embrace, and share soft touches.

“She Comes First” Quotes

She is the woman who has found and created herself a loving relationship with a man she loves. She is also the woman who is happily single, the woman who doesn’t need a man to be happy. She has a supportive circle of great friends, and she has the time to hang out with them, even when she has kids. Some people refer to the clitoris as the happy maker, orgasm switch, or love button. That might make it seem easy to simply push it to give a woman an orgasm, but it’s more complex than that. Touch her body tenderly—romantic touches such as stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, or rubbing her feet can increase mental and physical arousal.