Bad Dad: Laugh-out-loud funny children’s book by bestselling author David Walliams

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Dad had no idea his son was up there. The man barred his son from watching him race because he feared the worst might happen. One night it did. Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line. My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation.Yksitoistavuotias Frank ihailee suunnattomasti rallicossia ajavaa isäänsä Gilbertiä, ja livahtaa usein salaa katsomaan isän kilvanajoa. Kamalaa kyllä, isä joutuu eräänä iltana hirvittävään onnettomuuteen. Hän selviytyy hengissä, mutta menettää jalkansa ja samalla työpaikkansa. Köyhtynyt perhe joutuu nyt tulemaan toimeen kädestä suuhun, sillä puujalkainen mies jää aina hakijoista viimeiseksi ja entinen hurjimus tuntee olevansa nyt kurjimus. Lopulta isä saa kuitenkin töitä, mutta hän ei suostu kertomaan siitä mitään Frankille, jonka epäilykset heräävät. Nyt ei kaikki ole kunnossa, ja niinpä Frank päättää vakoilla isäänsä... (Lukunäyte sivulta 73-74.) My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open." Outside of a dog, abook is man’s best friend. That’s becauseinsideadog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows. I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody. What do you call a mac n’ cheese that is standing in your personal space? Too close for comfort food. It made us laugh. But more importantly, we knew it would’ve made our dad laugh. For most of his life (or at least as long as I knew him), he was a huge advocate and gleeful teller of Dad Jokes. It’s that persistence, and the shear cringe-factor of the best dad jokes, that transform them from terrible to great.If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands. Tässä kirjassa oli myös niin monta peppu-vitsiä ja peppu jonkun naamaan -vitsiä, että mietin paljonko sivuja olisi saanut napsittua, jos ne kaikki olisi jättänyt pois. Ainakin useamman sivun. A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”

Are Dad jokes good for you? Inarguably. Recent studies have shown that a good dose of humor, however groan-worthy, can lower your risk of cardiovascular illness, increase your body's ability to fight pain and prevent disease, and even help you live longer. Yes, fine, it didn’t help my dad live longer, but I know for a fact that he was laughing on the last day of his life, and that seems like the best possible way to leave this mortal coil. No, mitäs vielä? Ei tämä ollut minusta ihan niin hyvä kuin Poika ja mekko ja tuskinpa siitä muodostuu samanlaista vinkkaushittiä kuin Gangsterimummista, mutta kyllä minä taidan tätä muksuille kuitenkin yrittää tarjota. Vinkkausten kohderyhmä voisi olla hyvin lukevista kakkosista jonnekin nelosluokkalaisiin, mutta kentältä kantautuvien huhujen mukaan myös siskotytön ykkösluokkalainen ja esikoululainen olivat tästä tykänneet ääneen luettuna. Because only a dad will keep on telling bad jokes like he doesn’t care whether you find it funny or not. When we see Aunt Flip’s sad and lonely singleness, we can ask our children about our single friends. How do we care for them? How does our church help single people? Are they more sad than our married friends? Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said “parking fine.”

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This book is produced from independently certified FSC™ paper to ensure responsible forest management. For more information visit: www.harpercollins.co.uk/green HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication. Auntie Flip is Dad’s aunt. She babysits Frank sometimes. Mr Big is a surprisingly small crime boss. Whatever time of day it is, he wears silk pyjamas and a dressing gown, with velvet slippers monogrammed “Mr B”. What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let's get together and make a spectacle of ourselves.