Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love

Product Information

It is hard, with topics relating to psychology, self, and love, to discuss them in a way that is gentle, informative, scientific, and also inherently spiritual. But Jessica Baum manages it here. Perhaps in part because it is coming from the perspective of both a therapist with case studies to hand, but also an anxiously attached human with her own personal experiences. It is both scientific and descriptive but equally empathetic, caring, and supportive. When you trust and rely on yourself for comfort and support, you are no longer dependent on other people. Learning to trust in your ability to cope and be happy on your own means having effective ways to manage your anxiety. Managing Anxiety/ Regulating Emotions

For anxiously attached people, the fear of being rejected and abandoned is very real. They may therefore believe their responses and behaviors are justified.

Normally, I would give 4 stars to books like these but due to the slow pace, boring bits and the effort that I sometimes had to put in to finish certain chapters (not all to be fair) I’ll give it a 3.5. I couldn’t listen to the audio meditations though so I have no idea what those are like xD which feels like I missed a core experience of this book. The other struggle for us comes in the form of the popular message that being loved by another is what determines our worth—something many of us have found resonates with our core wound. Our Little Me can’t help but believe, Well, if this partner loves me, then I must be worthy of love. After all, this is what we have been waiting for since childhood: someone to love us so we see our worth reflected in their eyes. Rather than risk finding out that this partner can’t love us, we overextend, ignore our own needs, and squash down our anger because it might push our partner away. In other words, we become selfless to protect ourselves from feeling once again that we are unworthy of love. Between what our culture has taught us and what we have experienced as children, our Inner Protectors push and push: “You must try harder, do more, lose more weight to prove to them that you are worthy.” But the truth is that real self-worth comes from within, and from an inner knowing that you have nothing to prove, and that you are always worthy of love. Doing this work is when we discover that we are neither “less than” or “better than” anybody else—that we are, in fact, “just right” as we are. First off: before reading this book, I highly suggest reading "Polysecure" - gives a really good breakdown of attachment styles and communication styles in relatonships, whether you're poly or not. Ongoing Covid restrictions, reduced air and freight capacity, high volumes and winter weather conditions are all impacting transportation and local delivery across the globe.

They may believe that the responsibility lies with their partner/friend/family member, and that if these individuals were more caring, supportive, and loving, they would not experience this kind of anxiety. Then, once you've established that you're in the anxious category, read this. It'll hurt like a bitch because this books leads you through a lot of self-reflection to see where your anxiety and wounds stem from, and how to sit and examine these feelings without having them take over. Basically, there are a lot of meditation practices to so. It's not a comfortable process but it's so so so helpful.

Attachment Styles

People with an avoidant attachment style deactivate their need for intimacy and comfort, while people with an anxious attached rely on the reassurance, approval, and validation of others. Healthy and stable relationships are integral to our well-being and boost our self-esteem and quality of life. This applies not only to relationships with other people, but also to our relationships with ourselves. The process was easy to follow, because the book is broken down into sections that guide you along, including some exercises along the way. The author’s tone and supportive words allow you to begin to heal your inner-child and learn to re-parent yourself, which is bound to bring up a lot of feelings, some of which you might not have been able to identify before. It can be painful and emotionally grueling, but the knowledge that you gain about yourself and the progress you make is worth every step. Transforming your attachment style is difficult and takes a lot of effort at first. But over time, it will get easier, and you will reap the benefits of having healthier relationships.

our adult relationships fulfill two different—but equally important—roles: the need to see and know ourselves through the eyes of another in a way that allows us to feel supported and safe, and the satisfaction of long-term intimacy with another. Learning to sit with your emotions and finding healthy ways to manage your anxiety will be much more effective. To heal your attachment insecurities, it’s important to understand attachment theory, or the ways in which your early relationships with your caregivers shaped your social and emotional development throughout their life.

Becoming More Secure in Life and Love

Instead, when you are experiencing anxiety that you perceive to be caused by your partner’s behavior, turn your attention inward, rather than on the other person. Olufowote, R.A.D., Fife, S.T., Schleiden, C. & Whiting, J.B. How Can I Become More Secure? A Grounded Theory of Earning Secure Attachment. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. 46 (3): 489-506.

These beliefs, and related behaviors (e.g., clinginess), are subconsciously activated whenever there are certain emotional triggers. Emotional Triggers for Individuals with an Anxious Attachment Style Candel, O.S. & Turliuc, M.N. (2019). Insecure attachment and relationship satisfaction: A meta-analysis of actor and partner associations. Personality and Individual Differences, 147: 190-199. Self-care refers to deliberate actions and practices that individuals engage in to promote their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Looking after your body can include exercising regularly, maintaining a balanced diet, and practicing good hygiene. Jessica walks you through a spiritual journey in this book. Anxiously Attached covers complex topics around codependency, and the way she explains them makes these topics easy to understand. Jessica’s work helps you feel supported through all levels of transformation.”Developing a more secure attachment is entirely possible but it’s a journey that requires hard work, patience, and compassion. Here is some advice to get you started: Make Time for Self-Care