Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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However, if you find yourself in the position where you're looking to heal from being cheated on, I truly believe this book saved my sanity. It's completely different to anything else I've read, heard or followed in these desperately lonely months (and in my pain I have read, heard and followed a lot of advice).

Aside from the fact that the majority of cheaters report that they are happily married, it’s not unhappiness that makes people cheat—it’s poor character. Psych studies have shown that being exposed to hostile humour especially sarcasm is very injurious to the human immune system it also has a negative affect on relationships and psychological well being. The unfortunate thing is after the affair, the counselors focus on how the betrayed contributed indirectly to the affair. Thankyou Tracy for being so honest and writing exactly what I’ve been thinking but couldn’t put into words. I wish you all the best and hope that life gives you the opportunity to experience true forgiveness and restoration of faith and trust in people.As a Betrayed Spouse, I've got so much hurt 😭 that I have had to work on me, but I was more self aware than my husband. By completing your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and authorise Audible to charge your designated card or any other card on file. I do believe that through my recovery from this, I will continue to reference this book to get me through the uncomfortable times. They will not agree with everything I say (just like I did not agree with everything the author said but still gave the book a high rating and have recommended it to others) but may, at least, gain a more accurate view of my perspective. I know it is empowering to embrace justice and agree that many betrayed spouses SHOULD be taking a much stronger stand for their own well-being, but there is a way to balance grace and justice.

If you’re the person who had to file for divorce, don’t accept the Bad Guy status your kids and your cheating ex may try to inflict on you.

Because it was easier to lie to you and extract value from you, and let you go on believing your world was safe when it wasn’t.

When I was studying for that exam and you were going to give me time alone, you were really with her?I can't possibly bring across the power of CL's words to bear in a short Goodreads review, but I will say that her site got me out of the "I will just quietly absorb all the garbage you throw at me forever and brute-force love you so hard and someday like in the movies you'll 'realize' what you've done and finally change" mind set (ugh, I know) and into the "If the same thing were happening to my best friend, would I even remotely urge her to continue putting up with it? I, too, am bothered by the “relationship experts” who hold out an expectation that a betrayed spouse can somehow get their marriage back on track without the full-hearted effort of the cheater. I'd love to have an honest dialogue about any of this, but I think people may be coming here in response to a post by the book's author posted on her site (quite witty, I'll say) with opinions already formed and looking for "evidence" that I blame betrayed partners. I both agree and disagree with this, but I put it in the “agreement” list because these reactions (“attempting” remorse or ignoring it) are probably most typical, especially if the affair was recently discovered.