The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People-Pleasing, Reclaim Your Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want: A Simple Plan to Stop People ... Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

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And, through vivid metaphors, she explains the mind-body connection of stress with greater relatability than can be found in similar works written by experts. I one hundred percent back the theory behind this book and appreciate the reminders that people pleasing can be detrimental in so many ways. Given that we’ve internalized negative messaging about no, including how it’s selfish, difficult, rude, disobedient, and inviting conflict, criticism, or even abandonment, of course we see no as threatening our sense of safety and security.

And being less available is utterly liberating, because it’s about actively choosing what’s best for you. Someone who says no has a sense of their boundaries, so they have a sense of their responsibilities and where they end and others begin. Follow author Natalie Lue’s six-step plan to find your no so you can create healthier boundaries and reconnect with your values and authentic self.NL: We all have a right to a self, to an interior world, and yet, in losing the ability to say no, we’ve become disassociated from our bodies and have rejected getting to know and take care of ourselves in favor of lying. Objectively, it’s stunning that so many of us unquestioningly carried this conditioning into our adult lives. I think the basic boundaries of having rights and responsibilities to ourselves being erased is why there has been such a murky relationship with consent. In fact, there are five distinct flavors of people pleasing: Gooding, Efforting, Avoiding, Saving, and Suffering. But on the other side of those healthy boundaries is your freedom; who you are without those ingrained habits is your authentic self.

CG: What are some common ways you hear people trying to say no but phrasing it in a people-pleasing way? Both Apple and Google state that they ensure that only users who have actually downloaded the app can submit a review.I sometimes feel obligated to say yes all the time and the book gave me some strategies to help with that. Saying yes when we need, want to or should say no leaves us stuck in frustrating and destructive patterns.