Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

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A recent accidental rediscovery--by way of a 7 min video of her working with someone on Youtube--just blew my mind. Years ago, after months of dealing with post-partum depression after giving birth to my first child, my GP suggested I talk to a therapist to help me through the depression. Katie seems to opt for a rather black and white binary as to what we can and cannot change as, I imagine, this makes "the work" a lot simpler to apply. She claims things like "there's no such thing as verbal abuse" and asks questions like "can you absolutely be sure that your dad doesn't love you? Ultimately, I think Katie's concepts are too much for most people to digest without potentially having bad side effects.

After a long discussion with a good friend who found The Work extremely helpful in dealing with some difficult issues in her life recently, I'm willing to acknowledge that when applied appropriately with greater guidance and/or better explanation, many of my concerns as outlined below can be alleviated. I think perhaps the worst therapy transcription was between Katie and a woman who was raped as a child. I would not have read this book if I didn't have to for a book club, and when I first picked it up and started reading I was like "Oh come on. It's highly addictive to get core insights on personally relevant topics without repetition or triviality. Being assertive means we ask for what we want while letting go of the outcome and the answer if the answer is no.

She even includes guidelines to help children incorporate The Work into their lives when they are young, saving themselves from the baggage that could come from years of negative and unproductive thinking. A truly illuminating and lively hookup of revered ancient Zen Diamond Sutra teachings and a wild and clear-eyed modern sage. True nonattachment and acceptance fearlessly admits our humanity and vulnerability, which includes us having wishes that are not fulfilled or are frustrated. Sure, it might help you overcome your fears or fix your relationship, but it won't address money or career issues, right? My first dumbfounded moment was in her conversation with a mother who was struggling with her young son not doing his chores, not doing his homework and sometimes lying.

I think that the questions are basic stuff for those familiar with cognitive behavioral therapy, but for some reason Katie's four particular questions really work. I give this book five stars because I think that it is a profound idea that Byron Katie is introducing- especially for those who are tormented with the weight of worry about those people and circumstances around them that they feel as though they have some power to control. You might also want to visit Katie's Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook pages, and her live-streaming webcast page, livewithbyronkatie. The book's basic tenet is that all our suffering is caused by our attachment to the stories we create about our thoughts.

And sometimes the way to clear your mind or look at life and things from a different perspective doesn't come in a 4-question package, no matter how well and often it has worked for others. Out of nowhere, like a cool breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice, comes Byron Katie and The Work. Many people are, and unfortunately, most are resigned to living a stressful life – as there seems to be no alternative.

But the way Katie speaks with him, she leads him to the conclusion that it is him that's being unreasonable or unaccepting because he's equally not accepting their nonacceptance of him essentially.When I am discontent, it is because I cannot accept some person, place or principle that is not as I want. Contrary to popular belief, trying to let go of a painful thought never works; instead, once we have done The Work, the thought lets go of us.

She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. That said, I can't help but admit that the book provides a structure to dealing with conflicts and issues. Like developing an exercise regimen, working through Katie's four questions is a difficult discipline when you start, but it becomes a natural part of your routine if you are committed to The Work.The problem I have is the potentially dangerous way that she applies a universal logic to dealing with complex problems.